Omigod...of all the lame collectible games I've seen in this world, and believe me I've seen plenty, none is more lame than this one: a collectible breakable key game. "How lame is BreaKey? The answer is none, none more lame." Thanks (I guess) goes to Elph for making me aware of the utter lamocrapitude that is BreaKey.

Check out Egg! Keep watching it, it's creepy and awesome.

Of all the spam I've gotten, this is by far the most entertaining nonsense text at the end of a message I've read:

"The future advance of civilization will be along electrical lines Our boy may become a great inventor and astonish the world with his wonderful creations And in the meantime, said the mother, despairingly, we shall all be electrocuted, or the house burned down by crossed wires, or we shall be blown into eternity by an explosion of chemicals! Nonsense! ejaculated the proud fatherRob's storage batteries are not powerful enough to electrocute one or set the house on fire"

I have no idea what that message was advertising, but it was awesome.

SubservientChicken.com...sooo good. You type in commands and the man in the chicken suit does it! Try "dance" or "sing" or "hello" for starters.

Also, it's FRIIIIIIIIIIDAY!

Sooo....good!

Another stupid parody: Stooples.com! I'm only posting this because I suck and have nothing else to post today.

For sale on eBay: AIR GUITAR! Wild stallions indeed. Thanks for the link, Lee.

Thanks to Ryen for the Gay Boyfriend music video. It's great. Also, courtesy of Ass-Ley, the songs of Eugene Mirman. Seriously, click both of these links, they're fabulous.

To celebrate Good Friday, I'm posting the Bad Search Terms for this month. As is the case every month, the success of my website on the search engines is due in no small part to my use of "blue" language. Or "red". Whatever. "Colorful".
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Top 20 of 472 Total Search Strings
# Hits Search String
1 7.08% superman symbol
2 5.52% naughty emoticons
3 3.43% nemo
4 3.33% perfect breasts
5 2.60% hot manga
6 2.19% hot chicks
7 1.46% jared fogle
8 1.46% taiwan girl
9 1.25% fucking jokes
10 1.25% happy ending massage
11 1.25% poem about nature
12 1.14% cheating girlfriend
13 1.14% nasty emoticons
14 0.94% massage happy ending
15 0.94% nice body
16 0.83% anastacia breasts
17 0.73% Jared Fogle
18 0.73% how to tell if your girlfriend is cheating on you
19 0.73% nosehair trimmer
20 0.62% Superman Symbol
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When I was a kid I loved Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. Actually, when I bought the game it was called just Punch-Out because Tyson had gotten the first of his rape and battery charges so he was yanked out of the game a replaced with Mr. Dream. Still, it was my favorite game. So lo and behold, today my memories have been ruined by the discovery that some hacker made Nude Punch-Out. Oh GOD. At least this article making fun of it is awesome. Yes, I downloaded the hacked ROM and played it. And yes, it has ruined me forever. Remind me never to download nude versions of Nintendo games ever again, particularly when they're games that are inhabited solely by scary-looking men.

I like this newest BBC article on Friday night drinking habits around the world. Me, I'm going out tonight. To generic bar X, specifically. Looking forward to generic beer Y, followed by generic sleep ZZZ.

Also, enjoy this fine collection of anecdotes about parakeets that hump their owner's fingers. Thanks, Dan Savage, for making the world a better place.

Hey, what do you know? McSweeney's has a funny article again! It's been a while. Please enjoy Ben Greenman's Letters for Martha. In other news, my band Negative Ken is chugging along nicely, we played our third gig last night and it went well. I keep on writing songs for them and the audiences seem to like it, so I think eventually this'll transform from a cover band to a group that mainly does originals. Which is pretty neat! Cause maybe we'll get groupies! Cover bands don't really get groupies.