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archive - "the blog"
november 2001 - september 2003

9/3/03:
I'm baaaack... new article up. I have some comix on the way too, just gotta actually draw them. It was good to get away from it all - but it's good to be back in the land of milk and DSL. Also, kiwi birds are cuuute. Also, Part 2 of Fulfill The Destiny next week.

8/24/03:
Hey NMCers. I wanted to let ya'll know that I'm going on vacation tomorrow, out to Cape Cod with my family. So the website won't have any new updates until I get back on September 2nd. So, see you after Labor Day, and if you need entertainment immediately, please turn on the TV and breathe deeply. I heard The O.C. was quite captivating. Laters.

8/21/03:
I was recently interviewed for my alma mater's newspaper, The Dartmouth. Read the article here. I think I contrasted nicely with the CEO that was also interviewed.

8/20/03:
Hey, did you know that when you go to MSN.com and search for 'keenspace', my website is the top site listed? Woo-hoo! Thanks for the heads up, Denis!!! Vanity searches rul3 my w0rld.

8/14/03:
Doodling at work... hey, I still remember how to draw DONALD DUCK! Carl Barks was the reason I started drawing in the first place, so it's good to know I'm still connected to my roots. Wak wak wak.

8/7/03:
Hey guys, I just got Internet access at my apartment so I can finally unveil a new song! It's about as ambient techno as I get. Enjoy!

8/6/03:
Everything went well, and I'm now completely moved into the new place. New article up, as promised. Later this week I'll also be putting up a new song on the music page - stay tuned. ^_^ Also, check out this Peter Pan Page. It's creeptastic!

7/30/03:
Hola, NMCers. As you can see, no update this week. On thursday I'm turning in the keys to the old apartment, so I'm doing tons of last-minute cleaning and moving. Also, the new place doesn't have internet access yet, so it's difficult to work on the website except at work, where I'm unfortunately busy. How was that for an excuse? Good?! Anyway, next week I'm going to put up something new other than cheesy background graphics. Maybe a new comic? A new article? A new song?! Who knows, you'll have to see. Or not. Laaa...

7/17/03:
There's a British electric company called PowerGen, short for power generator I suppose. PowerGen has recently opened a branch in Italy, which dubbed themselves PowerGen Italia. You can check out their website at... www.powergenitalia.com ... Um, hm. Well then. (Thanx Andrew for the link.)

7/14/03:
New comic - I'm ON IT. It'll be up by tonight. Things were crazy this past week with all the moving, but I'm finally living in the new apartment. I'm happy with my new room - I'll post a photo of it at some point. Later.

6/30/03:
I'm on CRACK! Have a MEATSHAKE! Not really. I am on edge this week, as apartment-hunting continues. One thing I gotta tell you that you already know - realtors suck. Brokers suck more, though. They're a bunch of sharks, the whole lot of them! Well, not all of them, but definitely most. Dealing with the real estate industry has left a bad taste in my mouth - like licking the side of an ice cream truck - they're disorganized, shady, and sometimes outright hostile towards their customers. This confuses me, considering the cost of the product. If we're offering to give somebody thousands of dollars every month for two years straight, shouldn't they be licking our boots or something, instead of acting like complete dicks? Maybe that's the problem -- I really should be wearing boots. Steel toed, for your kicking pleasure.

6/23/03:
Yo! That is all.

6/19/03:
No updates this week... enjoy your SPACE BUDDHA! This past weekend was crazy for me, some of my best friends from Dartmouth came up to visit and most of last week and weekend was spent hanging out with them. This week's also crazy for me personally as I hunt for a new apartment. Hopefully when things settle down I'll get nice and regular again. Like Metamucil.

6/9/3:
Hey guys. I slacked a little on preparing the new one from Mr. Bow, which will be up later this week. But I am slowly improving my Flash skillz... here's a tiny one of Phil floating. I have yet to figure out how to import and sync up sound; when I do, it's ON. This weekend was fun for me. I saw Dar Williams perform at Town Hall in NYC, and relaxed like a mofo. Anyway, later.

6/3/3:
First week of summer, ya'll. Hey now. I've obtained a copy of Flash 5.0 and am currently teaching myself how to use it! Which means that down the road, you might be seeing some None More Comic animations! I'm already obsessed with it. I made my first-ever flash item last night, this is it. It's lame, but it demonstrates that I've been following the tutorials correctly. I figure that as time goes on the animations will suck less and less, until eventually they will rock. Here's hoping. I used to do a little animation when I was in grade school, but it wasn't like this at all. I used my mom's camcorder and drew pictures on a dry-erase board or made play-doh figures, hitting the record button on and off really quickly to make these slow, jerky films for class. Compared to that method, using Flash is like discovering fire. And as we all know, fire is your friend.

5/27/3:
View my new favoriteist band ever, The Yuppie Pricks! For technology buffs, PlayStation enters the supercomputin' fray. Finally, I hope you had a great Memorial Day Weekend. Mine was good, the wedding trip went well and now I'm exhausted but happy.

5/23/3:
OBIT: Today we mourn the death of The Brunching Shuttlecocks. One of the most popular and long-running original humor sites on the Internet, Brunching.com and its little-man-behind-the-curtain Lore Sj÷berg were true inspirations for us. No, really. We totally ripped them off. Well, them and SatireWire.com, who sadly passed on last year. Thankfully, The Onion is still going strong. (Technically, McSweeney's Internet Tendency is still alive, but they haven't been funny for a looooooong time.) Does this mean that eventually, None More Comic will have carry the torch for free high-quality original humor sites? We sure hope not. That would be The Sucks.

5/20/3:
Linkies for good and evil today! GOOD: ActForLove.org, helping activists take action while getting action. EVIL: Cool-2B-Real.com, helping gullible teenage girls eat copious amounts of beef.

5/19/3:
Hey NMCers. No new comic this week, but we've got two new humor articles. I've been busy this week with my sister's graduation from NYU - my whole family came up to see it. Next weekend's gonna be huge too because I'm taking a trip up to Vermont for a friend's wedding. People getting married is scary. Hopefully after that I'll have a few weeks where I can take it easy and not do shit. But you never know what'll come up. Anyhow, peace out and all that.

5/13/3:
Visit nobodysdoll.com. ThAnkx mr|Bow f/ tha + link.

5/4/3:
Boo weekend! I got mugged on the way to a party in Brooklyn. I'm totally fine though - just lost about $30, my cellphone, and the irrational sense of security that most of us carry. It's only temporary, though - I'm sure I'll return to tromping around NYC like I own the place before long. My friends have been really supportive, and neighbors in the area found my phone abandoned on the ground and are returning it to me! So not everybody's evil. Just inner city tweener gang members packing .357 magnums... Anyhow, you should read this Alan Moore parody of Frank Miller's DareDevil, courtesy Chris via Neil Gaiman's blog. It's awesome and features more Noo Yawk City violence using Q-tips!

5/2/3:
Yay weekend! I just read an article in the Village Voice who is 32 years old and lives in a tiny, tiny studio. I'm pretty impressed, I'd go mad if I had to fit my whole life in a 12.5 by 5 foot studio. Anyhow, another comic up monday, as mentioned, and we'll start thinking about new articles.

4/29/3:
I'm pretty mopey lately because my girlfriend's moved back to Kansas. :-( But as you can see, I've managed to put up a new comic anyhow. I also have a comic ready for next monday as well, and a few ideas for comics after that, so lucky me don't need no inspiration for a spell. If you're like Johnny-5 and need more input than that, though (yay lame 80s reference), check out JaPander.com, which features American celebrities making asses of themselves in Japanese commercials. That's it for now, back to moping.

4/21/3:
New article up today, comic coming later in the week. Peace out.

4/14/3:
FRANCEWEEK!!! WOOOO!!!

4/11/3:
Okay, obviously I didn't update the comic on time at all this week. So next week I'm totally making it up to all of you... by making fun of the French! That's right, next week will be a very special FRANCEWEEK! on None More Comic. There'll be a France-related comic and TWO new France-related humor articles. Why the French? Why not! See you on Monday!

4/9/3:
Hey, look! Another BLOG!!! In other news, New York weather's really sucking. This is the most miserable April weather I've seen, it oughtta be ashamed of 'tself. That being said I'm feeling pretty good today, because I got a raise! More money = yay.

4/7/3:
Check out American Brandstand. This weekend was a blast, though I'm feeling ill from eating too much. I'm not expecting sympathy, mind you - it was totally worth it.

4/4/3:
Allright, article's up. I'm out. In the meantime, check out Googlism.com, linkie courtesy Mark.

4/3/3:
A minor amusement: the Britney Spears' Guide to Semiconductor Physics. In other news, I'm going to be gone this weekend to help celebrate my dad's birthday, so next week's update won't be on time. But to balance that out, I'll be posting a new article by Mr. Bow tomorrow! Later.

3/28/03:
Still ill, but tolerably so. It might be allergies. I posted a silly comic last night, as you've noticed, and I also think you should read this interesting essay regarding Sodomy, thanks to Dan for the link. My friend Andrew is in town, looking forward to seeing him this weekend. It's also my 6-month anniversary with my girlfriend. :-) Also, are you a ham-bone?

3/25/03:
Still sick, but went to work anyway. I've got a comic made up in my mind, if I'm feeling up to it tonight I'll draw/scan/upload it. In the meantime, I did a Google vanity search, and saw this! None More Comic isn't the top-listed humor zine or anything (not gonna EVER compete with The Onion, yo) but it IS in the middle of the pack, and it gets enough hits to get one of those little green "traffic bars" on the left column. I think that's pretty neat. It's little things like search engine rankings and nice guestbook messages that keep me obsessed and prolific. So, thanks ya'll. Coming up: next month, there'll be some guest comics from FatWetDog.com, it's a comic-swapping type of thang. That should be fun. Okay, time to cough up a lung again.

3/24/03:
I are sick. Update later. Ugh.

3/21/03: On this historic day, some dude changes his name to Optimus Prime!!! Oh, and Mr. Bush goes to war with Iraq again. Also, the best postings on craigslist. Finally, Strindberg and Helium flash, linkie courtesy Coffman.

3/16/03:
I did some weird scrawlings today. This one is titled EVERYBODY EATS.

3/12/03:
Bwa ha! I have a new comic today! I did it during my lunchbreak. Can't nobody say Bayard ain't done nuthin' for the peoples.

3/10/03:
Yup, I'm a slacker. I'll work on stuff tomorrow, tonight I'm working on reading the Forgotten Realms source book so I can run a D&D adventure! It'll be the first campaign I've ever run, though I've run one-shots in the past. I'm not convinced that I'll be any good at it, for some reason. Probably because nobody has ever been like, "Hey Dude, you'd be a great GameMaster!" Nobody's ever said I'd be a bad one either, though, so I pretty much have no reason to think anything one way or the other. Feh. I'll give it a shot. In the meantime, read this stupid thing about Foxy Brown and Lil' Kim being rivals. I'll do a comic tomorrow. (3/11/03 NOTE: I DIDN'T.)

3/5/03:
Holy crap. Screw going to MY site, go to THIS ONE. If you'd like to stay, though, check out my band's new song, "Ready Set Go". I'm pretty happy with it.

2/27/03:
Neal Pollack tells me to shut up about the War. Also, a gene therapy breakthrough, announced on BBC. Finally for this week, If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

2/19/03:
I'm back from Utah skiing, which was slushy but fun. Linkies for today: first, a funny Onion article, courtesy of Chris. Next, from Erin, an article Mr. Bow probably doesn't need to alter. Finally, I want to show off the website I designed for my company. A new comic will probably be up tonight. Lat3r5 gAt0rz.

2/12/03:
Keenspace is up and running again, so I've put up a new humorous story. Also, you can download my rock band's newest freebie, "Didn't Ask Why", at our website. In other news, I'm taking off a few days from work and going to Utah tomorrow for a ski trip with my family. I'll be back late late sunday, which probably means Monday's update will be similarly tardy. Have a good one, ya'll, I'm outtie.

2/5/03:
I took an interest in Bukowski. I read him all day, at least the parts of him I could find on the web for nothing.

2/2/03:
As you've noticed, Keenspace has been misbehaving. I'll start putting up more new content as soon as it gives me a little more respect... In other news, I've turned 24 years old. As Oscar Wilde once said, "Those whom the gods love grow young." Well, considering how childish I am, the gods must love me. Of course, there are certain risks to taking anything Oscar Wilde said seriously. This is the same guy that said, "I rarely think that anything I write is true." He and I have much in common.

1/23/03:
Behold! Odd Signs! Word to my pops for this Aw3s0m3 L1nK. Also, an article on the developing of an anti-guilt war drug. Finally, the Jersey GOP website's Republican Babes page. Is this for real? Tacky, yet brilliant...

1/15/03:
Here's Beatrix Potter's Story of the Fierce Bad Rabbit, found by FatWetDog. Today I'm a little sad, having attended my boss's funeral last night, so reading a story about a mean rabbit getting capped was a bit of a pick-me-up. Tonight I'll be working on a new comic, which should be up tomorrow, so stay tuned.

1/10/03:
Just a heads up that there will be a new humor article up on monday by the esteemed Mr. Bow. Have a good weekend, I know I'll be doing next to natta!

1/9/03:
Hey, Mr. Patriot! Take BBC's Anti-Americanism Quiz. See if you can beat my score, I got ZERO. Hope ya'll are doing okay. I've been slacking lately, playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 and thinking about stuff, just trying to figure things out you know ("I just wanted a Pepsi, all I wanted was a Pepsi..."). My 9 star ki forecast says it's time to start bringing my plans into fruition. Sure, why not, I was gonna do that anyway. But which plans?!...

1/2/03:
Yep, I failed. No new comic this week. But it wasn't my fault entirely this time, it also had to do with a particularly nasty virus, or poisonous sandwich, not sure which. But anyhow I've been horribly ill the past few days and had to spend New Years shivering and twitching in a little nauseated ball. So drawing a comic wasn't exactly my highest priority - which was, incidentally, not throwing up. But I'm feeling quite a bit better now, and I expect I'll have the energy to work on the website this weekend and have new things up on monday. Here's hoping there's no more evil sandwiches lurking in my future. Or 24-hour flus. Whatever.

12/30/02:
No comic up yet - I just got back from my vacation yesterday and haven't had time to work on it - but something new'll be up New Years Day. In the meantime, here's a lame joke I made up: Q: Why did the buddhist lesbian throw away her strap-on? A: Because she wanted to rid herself of attachments. Ba-dum ching. Yeah, anyway... have a good New Year people, you'll hear from me on the other side.

12/19/02:
Another broken promise, bwa ha ha. I obviously didn't put up a new comic this week on monday, but this time it totally wasn't my fault. The expiration date on my roommate's credit card changed (he pays for our internet), and rather than tell him that, Earthlink simply cancelled our service and he had to be on hold for hours while my finished comic sat on my desktop with nobody to play with... But whatever, it's up. In other news, I'm going on Christmas vacation soon to visit my family and some of my hometown buds; looking forward to the cross-country road trip I need to take to get there almost as much as the visit itself. Always have lots of fun on road trips with friends. I also enjoy creative stories like this one.

12/30/02:
No comic up yet - I just got back from my vacation yesterday and haven't had time to work on it - but something new'll be up New Years Day. In the meantime, here's a lame joke I made up: Q: Why did the buddhist lesbian throw away her strap-on? A: Because she wanted to rid herself of attachments. Ba-dum ching. Yeah, anyway... have a good New Year people, you'll hear from me on the other side.

12/19/02:
Another broken promise, bwa ha ha. I obviously didn't put up a new comic this week on monday, but this time it totally wasn't my fault. The expiration date on my roommate's credit card changed (he pays for our internet), and rather than tell him that, Earthlink simply cancelled our service and he had to be on hold for hours while my finished comic sat on my desktop with nobody to play with... But whatever, it's up. In other news, I'm going on Christmas vacation soon to visit my family and some of my hometown buds; looking forward to the cross-country road trip I need to take to get there almost as much as the visit itself. Always have lots of fun on road trips with friends. I also enjoy creative stories like this one.

12/16/02:
Comic for this week will be up monday night. Peace out.

12/13/02:
New article up, this one is a submission! I put it up now because it concerns the imminent subway worker's strike that might happen next week. And we here at None More are committed to timeliness... also, this age gauge was interesting.

12/07/02:
I'm late on this week's comic because I stayed up making None More's first-ever web animation! I'm very proud of this silly thing, so download it! I'll have the new comic up by tuesday night.

11/26/02:
I've had a productive day, web-wise... first, I LiveJournal account! Redundant, I know. But it'll give me more room to rant on and on about nothing, and that's awesome! Also, I discovered this site. Holy Jesus. Okay, that's it.

11/25/02:
Thanksgiving weekend coming up.. I'm spending it with my sister, like last year, but this time we're not cooking it ourselves. Instead we're heading out to Boston to join her boyfriend's family in their feast. I know very little about the guy or his family. It should be interesting. Tangentially, I think the word "interesting" is overused diplomatic jargon these days. When someone says something you strongly disagree with: "That's interesting that you think that." When you're going to be in a situation that's going to suck: "This'll be interesting." When you think someone's a complete wacko: "Yeah, he's interesting." It's used so much nowadays as a substitution for the horrible things we actually want to say that it's become almost a veiled insult that more often evokes an accusatory "Now what's that supposed to mean?!" This modern connotation is unfortunate, because in this case I meant "interesting" in a nice way; I think this Thanksgiving will be genuinely, well, interesting! It'll be fun. Anyway, I hope you all have a good one as well, lots of love to you crazy-ass NMC-ers... Also, check out this nation-state simulation game! It reminds me of the comparative world government class I took in high school, but without those pesky grades that got in the way of me enjoying my little tyrannical overlordship. This is a goood time killer, I give it 3 stones out of 5.

11/20/02:
Anomalies Unlimited: a collection of weirdly funny and strange items. Feh, it'll kill an hour or two. In other news, many of my friends are getting caught up in this newfangled "LiveJournal." I think it's some kind of cult. Well, I'm not interested in any of these so-called "online communities" with their "invite only" policies or their "extra features": I don't want to know. No siree, I'm sticking to the webjournal I have right here... where it's safe.

11/15/02:
Dude, check this shit out: The many faces of Michael Jackson. Leave it to the BBC to scare the living hell out of me... In other news, I already have a new comic ready for monday! Go me! If only I could say the same about my day job.

11/11/02:
Week two of sticking to my self-imposed update schedule: I don't think it'll be too hard to put at least one new comic and one new article up every monday, but I've broken promises to myself before. Still, the creative goals I make keep me engaged, so my own desire for purpose demands / guarantees an inevitable productivity.. so long, of course, as the goals are not so ambitious as to burn me out (in this case, not ambitious in the least : good.). Slow progress has been made in the musical aspect of my life: the addition of a guitarist to my band and switching to bass guitar has drawn me back in -- many new possibilities open for a once-concrete set. The trick now is to strike a balance between the music and website, to not neglect one / the other, to maybe even find in the space between those disparate pieces of work a clue as to what/who I am without either; The purpose of all this work not being just to entertain or kill time, but to open the possibility of actual self-awareness.. but until then, silly writings / drawings for all. ^_^

11/06/02:
Feeling a little low today because of the election. I'm usually pretty apathetic about politics, but seeing Republicans gaining control of all three branches of government leaves a bad feeling in my stomach. So to cheer myself up I taught myself how to do cliackable graphics! You'll notice my first attempt, a revamped menu bar. Suggestions are welcome.

10/30/02:
Whatsup. I've finally decided to recommit myself to a schedule, albeit an easy one to fulfill. From now on, every monday there will be something new on the webpage, and I don't mean a new entry on the blog. There will be, at the very least, a new comic. I will also post new articles whenever inspiration hits (like today), but the comic's back on a weekly schedule. That should make some of you happy. ^_^ Also, questions for Dr. Slut.

10/23/02:
Hey, it's interesting to find out that I still know how to draw... here's a political cartoon I was commissioned to do by my friend Dan for an Iraq discussion he's helping promote. He said he's going to pay me in beer. That's fine by me.

10/21/02:
I present, courtesy of Jen, The Viennese Vegetable Orchestra! The sound clips are adorable. Also, a friend of mine started a webcomic about our college D&D party: the Nesso Boys' Choir. The first installment is really funny and well-done. Almost shames me into doing more comics myself. Almost.

10/16/02:
The funniest thing ever: I am better than your kids. The guy's website, found here, is pretty cool, kind of like the Ninja Page only cockier, and without the ninjas. Also, a Slate philosophical discussion about happiness.

10/10/02:
Three linky: why we should invade Iraq. Also, N64 killed my son! Also, this Dave-Eggers-like rant might give you insight about my college.

10/03/02:
RatherGood.com: A British site with many adorably silly flash animations, I really liked "Pavarotti loves elephants," perhaps because it pertains so strongly to my daytime profession. Thankx to Chris for the link. For more dark-and-artsy but also excellent animation, check out Mark's friend's site NoiseRover.com.

10/01/02:
New Study Shows Shoe Size, Phallus Length Not Correlated. In other news, I'm very happy right now. Isn't that odd?!

9/23/02:
No rants today, just linkies! I thank my friends for sharing these.
Subversive WWII Posters!
What's Your Smurf Name?
Talk Like a Pirate Day,
Supplemental Pirate Terminology.
Lastly, my band's updated website!

9/17/02:
Though I rarely agree with its opinions, I was amused by this website. it tries to decide what the moment was where a given television show crosses the point of no return, where you know it's all downhill from there. The name of the website references, of course, when Fonzie on waterskis jumps the shark on Happy Days. Maybe you've already known about the site, I just found out about it this morning on Howard Stern. Howard Stern, on a related note, also plugged the Brunching Shuttlecocks today, when he used the "My Little Pony vs. Porn Star" article as the morning's quiz game. I'm quite sure all of you find that deeply relevant. Yeah.

9/15/02:
No new content today, just an entry in the diary. I wanted to say that life is still such a mystery. I don't know why I'm here or what I'm here to do, day by day it becomes less apparent, but I can feel it, I'm waiting for something to happen. Is that something merely finding my own happiness, or is there something else? Perhaps I'm just here to make one other person happy too. Or maybe two or three. I wish I knew... In the meantime, another week of the 9-5 grind. And another. And another. Bla bla. In other news, I love you, VillianSupply.com!

8/13/02:
This study is so lame: it's big find is that office stress leads to people being pissed off. Also in the lame category: how is it that my website keeps getting more popular? I've done so much to lose my readership: slowing updates to a trickle, insulting my readers, and cutting off all contact with them. But more people are checking out this site than ever! What the fuck... On a personal note, things are looking up. I met someone amazing recently... well I haven't actually met her technically, but whatever. I'm sure you want more details than that so you can vicariously live through me, but in light of my recent discovery that neglect leads to webhits, UP YOURS!!!! ^_^

7/22/02:
My orders for today: First, enjoy a randomly-generated haiku! Then, make 8 pounds of Scrapple for no reason. Finally, stop following orders!

7-17-02:
New article up, a news spoof by longtime contributor Mr. Bow. In other news, nothing! Boooring! If you're really bored, enjoy my hastily-written, over-analytical rant on the topic of various general approaches to desire fulfillment and my perceptions as to their strengths and weaknesses. Yes, it's as boring as I'm suggesting it is. But some philosophical self-help types might find a few of my thoughts interesting.

7-12-02:
In the news today, The King of Morocco Marries Boy George. And my fucking exciting news for the past two weeks is I got a new cellphone. Yeah! I've been using a cellphone with a broken screen for half a year now, and my service contract just ran out so I switched service providers so I could get a new one for free. I'm so fucking excited that this is the ONLY NOTABLE CHANGE IN MY LIFE FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS. Really!

6-26-02:
This article shows why men want to do you, ladies: they're just trying to treat your depression. Man, treating women's depression right about now sure would be nice. If you know what I mean... In other news, A cool article from Wired on how to disappear.

6-18-02:
I don't think Microsoft's XBox commercial is nearly as profound as the comments this writer made regarding it. The ad, which was aired in Britain and promptly banned, depicts a baby shot out of his mother like a projectile, growing old in mid-air as he rockets, screaming, towards his grave. (Microsoft sure doesn't try very hard to erase its bad-boy image.) The ad can be seen via Quicktime here.

6-17-02:
Just because it's MSN doesn't mean it's evil. The main use I discovered for Slate e-zine is this: they read all the top magazines and newspapers and summarize it for you, thereby allowing you to be mentally lazy while simultaneously undercutting the profits of the publishing industry. Okay, maybe that IS evil. There's Microsoft for you! ... On a personal note, I've found that I'm introducing myself more and more as a musician when I meet people in NYC, even though internally I don't feel like that's all I am. But one thing I'm realizing is that the adult world forces you to succinctly define yourself to others. It is the difference between being a player and an observer: if you don't find yourself a role, the city forgets about you. For much of my life, I've been passively drawn into things as much as I actively made things happen. But now I am free, and freedom is a great burden to an armchair dreamer. Though it still feels unnatural to do such alien things as "networking" and "career-building," it's getting easier. But I miss being coddled. There's a part of me that really likes being told what to do, so I don't have to stare in the mirror each morning asking myself who I am.

6-12-02:
Ha! An update! New article up, hope nobody reads it.

6-9-02:
I regret to say what's probably pretty obvious to most of you... this website is pretty much over. I'm way too occupied with other things in my life right now to work on this page on a regular basis. And though it used to be fun, it feels a lot like a job now. A job that pays you zip, yet people get mad at you if you don't do it anyway. So I'm done. Please don't expect any further updates. (There might still be, but don't expect it.)

I want to thank all of you who enjoyed the crap I made. I wish you all long life and prosperity. Oh, and nothing but death and despair to my enemies. You know who you are. Fuckers.

sincerely, the webmaster

6-7-02:
Kids, your scavenger hunt rules!!! Also, This is fucking great! The Onion fools China! On a side note, my band's performance is tonight. I'm soooo nervous. I hope I get some action.

6-4-02:
With my band's concert fast approaching, I've had little time to work on the website. But I know some of you still check back on a regular basis, so I try to put something up, at least in the blog, so you know I still care... oh and, methinks Bush needs the American people's elbow! Oh, and I've decided to get hip to the e-times and rename this section The Blog! Also, nothing. Finally, if any of you live in the NYC area, you should come see my performance. THE VERY NERVE, Friday June 7th from 8-9pm, only at The Triad Lounge, 158 W. 72nd Street between Broadway and Columbus. $5 cover, everybody gets laid. Woo!

5-30-02:
Dude, something tells me this product is a bad idea. In other news, I was feeling disenfranchised (as usual) last night and a friend told me something simple, yet profound: "At any point, you gotta ask yourself, do you think what you're doing is cool? If you can't say yes to that, then why are you doing it? For instance, I like taking naps, I think it's cool, but it's probably on the bottom rung of coolness. So if I think that taking a nap is cooler than what I'm doing, then I figure something's gotta change." As I ponder this at work today I'm thinking, Yeah a nap sure would be nice. Uh oh.

5-28-02:
I've been feeling pretty blase lately... I'm not sure why. Certainly my life has been exciting, or at least it should be, what with everything that's happening. Maybe it's too exciting... like when you bring too many tasty ingredients on an ice cream sundae, and it all just mixes together in a nondescript pile of goo. I'm certainly not unhappy... not really anything at all. Though I feel occupied fully by my life, I don't feel captivated. But this has always been how I am, always yearning, always reaching for something more, regardless of what is in my hand...

5-23-02:
Hey guys! Check out this awesome article I read in The Washington Post!

5-15-02:
Today's update is all about cats. First, thanks to Elph I discovered this awesome Macintosh ad! Awww kitty. And then when I was websurfing at work I discovered the slightly-unsettling Catgirl Research Foundation. It's not nearly as exciting (i.e. pornographic) as one would hope, but the roleplaying geek in me was amused.

5-6-02:
Hello handsome/pretty NMC-ers. My life's been pretty exciting for the past few weeks. The big news is that my band, The Very Nerve, got its first professional gig! It's small, but still a big step for us. We're playing a place on the Upper West Side of Manhattan called The Triad, and if we make a big draw, we might actually get some money out of it! So we've got until June 7th to learn enough songs to play the full hour set... In other news, robo-rats!

4-24-02:
Ah, the hilarity. Thx Chris. When I first read this I didn't realize it was a farce. Also, excuse me miss, but your golf trophy looks phallic. Thx Fredrik for the link; that picture, like hippos, is totally sweet.

4-12-02:
For one thing, Hippos, like ninjas, are totally sweet. And Staplers ain't so bad either. On a personal note, tonight will be the first performance of my current band (yet-unnamed). We will totally, completely rock this birthday party! The kids are in for a hard-rocking treat.

4-10-02:
An interesting place I checked out today was GALLERY OF THE UNIDENTIFIABLE! Okay, bye-ie!!! (p.s. please don't laugh at my poetry. it's profound and shit, dammit!) Also, I love WWW.ILOVECHEESE.COM because the people who wrote the cheese descriptions are all retarded 9-year-olds.

4-2-02:
A Clean, Well-Lighted Place. This Hemingway short story is a particular favorite of mine. This site I see as akin to that bar in the story, only perhaps not so clean... Also, since when did Google.com start being a humor site?... Also, as you've noticed up top, I've added a search tool to my site, courtesy of Atomz. It works reasonably well. And it was due time I added one, seeing as there are 150+ articles now in addition to the 300+ comic strips. Holy shit, I've been doing this for a while...

4-1-02:
Stupid email of the day:
"Hi, my name is G__g O_____t and I have noticed the usage of your word 'whorange' on your website. I would greatly appreciate it if you would remove it and its definition from your site as I have approached Merriam-Webster with a valid definition for the word. Merriam-Webster informed me that I hold personal possession of the word and that it cannot be used unless a ubiquitous definition has been formed. The company and I have not come up with a solid one yet, but we are near to it. So I would really appreciate it if you would remove 'whorange' from your website. Thank you in advance. Sincerely, G__g O_____t"

3-28-02:
While on my random internet searchings, I found this super-spiff DEATH CLOCK!!! It gives options for how optimistic an estimate to use, and then creates a by-the-second countdown towards your timely demise. Nifty! Also, Britney Spears misspellings!

3-19-02:
Today I'm stuck by this fact: my love life is retarded!!! This is because I am lame. I am so pathetic that today I went on the internet to find dating advice for geeks. And miraculously, I found this. It's a funny little site with lots of pathetic stories and horrible advice sent in by assumedly real losers. I clicked around and read the various articles, and it amused me for about 5 minutes. And then I went back to my lamo, pathetic, completely ass-retarded adult life. Yay!

3-13-02:
The intellectually curious part of me found this site interesting. It is a list of various "isms" like dualism or Buddhism, and it links internally to related concepts. I spent over an hour just clicking around and seeing the interconnective relationships between various strains of human thought. If you're into that, you'll dig it. If not, then go to this. It's a cartoon telling of a capoiera folk tale that I found, oddly, on the back page of Tower Records' promotional magazine. Capoiera, btw, is my favorite martial arts style. It's wicked cool.

3-10-02:
I wanted to give a link to the website of the Nesso Boys Choir, which was the adventuring party I played a character in (Alex) for a roleplaying game in college. Some friends of mine made a site commemorating this ongoing game I am no longer a part of, and after reading about the game again, I miss it. There's nothing like a fun roleplaying group to take your mind off the sad tragedy that is life. Yay! Also, a state-of-the-art search engine that gives you up-to-the-second updates on WHO IS FIGHTING CRIME!!!"

3-4-02:
Hey guess what? I searched for www.google.com in www.google.com and found out they make a cached copy of themselves! Quite amusingly, they disclaim any affiliation or responsibility to themselves. He he he, hoo boy... god I'm lame.

2-25-02:
This might only appeal to big philosophy nerds like me, but I thought it rocked. Prepare for Battlefield God! Also, this. Finally, a link from Jenspresso, bad engrish.

2-23-02:
I have unveiled a website for my "band," Greentown! So now None More Comic is extremely multimedia, with amateur music offerings to complement its random smattering of scrawlings and pictures. Click here to check it out. Currently I only have a few songs up, but I will be putting up more later. The songs will be the random experiments I've done over the past few years, so don't expect any sort of consistency. But they're fun to listen to, and I figured they weren't doing much good collecting digital cobwebs on my zip discs. Enjoy! Also, new article up: a faux interview.

2-22-02:
Fraternities are stupid.

2-19-02:
Yay, a link to Jesus monster trucks. Also, A great article about the bitter Campbell's-Progresso soup rivalry. Finally, one must not forget my mysterious doppleganger Dr. Bayard Russell in the e-novel The Gentle Giant: Search for the Sasquatch.

2-15-2:
Is it time for lunch? Nope, it's Time to Clone Kitty. I'm telling you, the future is coming fast. I grew up reading fiction about the stuff that's happening right now, it's overwhelming to imagine what world I'll be living in 50 years from now. I don't think it will be a 1984 dystopic nightmare world. Nor do I think it will be a Roddenberry heaven. It'll be just like today, filled with people who are not all bad, and not all good, but with bigger and better toys. People just like you and me with cloning, cybernetics, nanotech, organic computers, and a full-fledged Matrix. It frightens the hell out of me (I can't wait)... oh, and die, Miss Cleo, die die die.... Finally, a link from Chris, a clinical study proving that women like complete assholes. I have no idea whether this is true or not, but it's funny and horrible all at the same time.

2-12-2:
Happy Chinese New Year to all your NMC-ers out there! This is the Year of the Horse, so get on that horse and riiiiiide it. It's also Fat Tuesday, so, um... go eat something. Gong Shi Fa Tsai! (good luck)

2-11-2:
The days of Cyberpunk are fast approaching... behold the coming of the true test-tube baby. Also, many of you have probably noticed that this website is updating less and less frequently. That is because I am currently pursuing a career in songwriting, and that is taking up much of my time. The downside is that while I will continue to work on the site occassionally, my time will be limited. The upside is NMC-ers may soon be privy to some web-exclusive mp3s... we shall see.

2-6-2:
Stupid headline of the moment. Oh, and The coolest picture ever! In other news, life has been pretty good lately. I'm visiting my college house this weekend, which I haven't seen a while. It'll be good to visit again while I still know people there. Next year everyone I know will be graduated, and my home will truly be the Big Apple. That's a scary thought. Not as scary as it used to be, though. Some people say they can't stand big cities because they miss the trees and empty spaces. Not me. I was bioengineered for these paved streets, it's second nature.

1-29-2:
Two neato links for today! Woo! Most excellent is The Ninja Page! This page, like Ninjas, is totally sweet. Oh, and a faux-news article about Enron/Argentina.

1-25-2:
In the latest interesting thing being bid on eBay, how about purchasing a severe ass-kicking? This was sent to me by my dad, of all people.

1-22-2:
Thanks to Justin, I discovered The Best Song-Animation Ever! This guy found the gimpiest Japanese disco song ever and made an insane flash animation to go with it. It's brilliant, the best thing since Gonads and Strife.

1-18-2:
One of my drawings was published in the newest issue of Wonderful Comics. Please have a look, it really is a delightful site.

1-14-2:
I'm working on a redesign for the site... that probably will amount to a change in logos and the background colors, I'm thinking woodsy with a touch of ironic. Developing... Oh, and Jesus God what a horrible love letter (concept).

1-13-2:
In a tragic, unexpected twist, my roommates and I imploded this weekend. No more updates to the website I guess, being imploded and all. You would have thought we could have done something to prevent the disaster, like drinking more fluids, or installing internal reinforcement beams... A sad day for Bayards and roommates of Bayards. Indeed.

1-11-2:
Erin sent me an article today, called My Inner White Guy, which I appreciated because it talked about some of the experiences I shared growing up with one foot in a culture and one foot out. Thought I'd share... another week gone by, and I feel a certain quietness about me, like the breath you take in right before something happens. I wonder what's going to happen this weekend. Maybe nothing. Maybe I'll finally meet someone and we'll have lots of monkey lovin'. Maybe me and my roommates will implode. It's really all up in the air.

1-9-2:
Look! Spam! Thanx to Chris for the link, it's the results of a poetry contest devoted to junk email.... Also, behold the glory that is Virtual Bay! Using the virtual model maker I found through Maxim and a little photoshopping to add my trendy specs, this virtual model actually looks a lot like me. Except that I would never wear an orange turtleneck. Ever ever ever.

1-8-2:
Today I found out that Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's, passed away this morning. I feel an unexpected sadness about the news. Dave Thomas was in so many commercials I had seen and on so many posters in the Wendy's restaurants I ate at as a kid, so he seemed more a fictional character than a real person to me. It was like discovering that Ronald McDonald really existed and that he had just died of kidney failure. Even though I never knew the man personally, hearing about his death made him suddenly and profoundly real to me. A once-permanent fixture in my world is gone, and the photos and videos of his image, once the totality of his existence to me, is now the passing record of a man who once lived. It is strange to have people that seem almost larger than life become decidedly human, and no matter how many times it happens, you never quite get used to it.

1-4-2:
Courtesy of Jenspresso, I give you an insanity test! I was at work with my boss in the room when I received the link so I had to take the test with the speakers off, and after staring at the picture for 60 seconds I didn't really see what was so funny. My hypothesis is that having the sound on is somehow important, perhaps even crucial, to the test... In other news, I've been reading a book on seduction recently, The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, and the book has not taught me how to be more seductive as much as it has illuminated how un-seductive I have been. For instance, I have learned that not stalking someone is a good technique for not freaking them out. Being aware of my more obvious shortcomings as a Don Juan is useful, of course, but there is only so much that I can do: you can change yourself to a degree, but you can never truly escape yourself, as seductive a fantasy that may be. Still, it is a pleasure to read, as it gives many risque and entertaining stories of various "great seducers of history" like Cleopatra, Casanova, Lord Byron, Marilyn Monroe and Bill Clinton...

1-3-2:
One day a friend of mine said, "I bet your site would be way more popular if you did a little cross-promotion every once in a while," and I said to him, "Fuck dat, Russell don't need no cross-promotion, he up in this bizzich already, ho." But I got a submission from a guy who does a website called Relics of the PostAge, and decided to post it. It's up today, enjoy... in other news, my complete transformation has been a great success. My vow to be better, smarter, faster, and stronger has really paid off... Oh, and this.

1-1-2:
It's the New Year, and I have completely reinvented myself as part of my 2002 resolution to completely reinvent myself. Yessirree, things will be different from now on... in other news, I found a link to a site that explains Jay-Z's lyrics in his hit single, Izzo (H.O.V.A.) This came as a great relief to me, as I have spent countless nights in a state of fitful unrest trying to fathom what Jay-Z meant when he said "Skizzles to my nizzles while we drizzled down in V.A." The website seems to have translations for other popular titles as well.

12-29-01:
I hope you all had a good holiday and I wish you best of luck in keeping your new years resolutions. Sorry for the lack of updates, I went home to visit the folks. I'm back home again, which theoretically means I'll be adding new content to the site again. Theoretically... ok literally.

12-17-01:
Last night I recieved two interesting emails: the first a reader submission, the second a desperate request for me to reinsert "plot" into my comic. So being the softie that I am, I have A) posted the submission as our newest feature, and B) started plans for a new, intricate storyline for the comic, complete with a new villian, revolutionary punchlines, and an interweaving of complex themes that will rival Franz Kafka's greatest work, "The Stoker." It will probably be completed later today.

12-11-01:
Today at work I was inspired to create postmodern art for the masses. Click HERE and download this high-rez version of "Seasons"; then run it off your printer and nail it on your wall. Viola!, you have participated in an act of postmodernism... Oh, and THIS.

12-9-01:
Off of reenhead.com, I found a link to The Art of Kissing, which I found to make a compelling case for having a lover. My favorite was "The Electric Kissing Game," where players shuffle their feet over carpet in a dark room and then kiss, creating an electric spark for others to see... A lovely image, but on this quiet evening alone it evokes a panged sentimentality for the beautiful things I have felt. I miss the early moments in my childhood, when I hadn't experienced enough things to be disappointed by them. The joy of discovery and the pure pleasure of a first kiss is gone, though I glow to think of it again as new... Hmmm, interesting that all this was evoked over a silly little how-to site. After all, a kiss is but a kiss, a sigh is but a sigh...

12-3-01:
I was in a Newsweek article about Ira Glass. It's a start... In other news, I'm very excited about Segway, the mobile pedestrian vehicle It's one of the coolest inventions I've seen in my lifetime, and that includes "Hairdini" hairstyling technology... Nothing else to say (my life is boring as of late), so I bid thee farewell.

11-30-01:
I have a new fashion innovation to share with you: Hats of meat! 'nuff said... Thank Yahweh it's Friday. This weekend I will make a special effort to get up, get up and get busy, and possibly to get up and work that body. Anyway, later...

11-29-01:
I was having the worst day imaginable, and then I read this article from the McSweeney's website! It's carefully calculated insanity warmed my heart. I may still be a lonely, bitter young man on the verge of panic and despair, but today my funnybone has been officially "tickled pink!"... Heh. Oh, and this article was cool.

11-27-01:
I read an interesting article today, oddly enough it was on the Merriam-Webster dictionary website. It's a piece on slang words called Flappers to Rappers: American Youth Slang , and lists various slang words used by flappers, swing kids, and beatniks, among others. Did you know that snowboarding was first called "snurfing"? (snow + surf.) Whose bright idea was that? Sounds like Brainy Smurf's idea to me. Freaking Brainy Smurf.

11-25-01:
Just finished a new short story. Or rather, I stopped working on it. The problem with trying to teach myself to write is that I can't tell if it's any good, and when I should stop editing it and let it go and start on the next project. The best I can do is the best it can be, but from an outside perspective I'm sure it could be better. It sure would help to have a creative writing class. I think. I miss college.

11-23-01:
It's the end of Thanksgiving as we know it, and I feel fine. My sister and I made an 11-lb. turkey for the two of us, and it was fantastic. I'm feeling pretty good vibes about life right now, the sort of vibes one only gets on a full stomach. Oh yeah, and check out Me and my roommates in our Halloween costumes. We are sexy bitches!...

11-20-01:
It is a first for this website to be posting something genuinely political. In general I tend to stay clear of such things on this site, focusing on humor and only recently introducing serious personal works. But I felt strongly enough about what Mr. Kotler had submitted that I thought it worth posting. I encourage you to read it and decide for yourself what you think. Also, you might want to read This article from the LA Times., it concerns the recent movement to destroy public information in the name of counter-terrorism... On a completely different note, check out this site, courtesy of Jen. From about the late 40s through the 70s, there were these ads in the backs of magazines advertising that you could send in your poems along with a fee, and your poems would be set to music. Anyone could do this, no matter how bad the poems. There is now a website dedicated to preserving these astounding works. Suggested listening: "My Husband, Lover, Friend;" "Believe in God Until You Die;" "Too Many Babies;" and "Midwifery." They are amazingly awful... Hope you are planning an excellent Thanksgiving. I'm cooking an 11-pound turkey. For two people. It's going to be fantastic.

11-17-01:
Earlier this morning Justin sent me a link about the amazing advances going on in robot technology. It's a cool article, have a read: Honda "Asimo" robot becomes more human-like... My mature response to this interesting topic with far-reaching implications, then, was to hack the news page and make a hastily-written farce... Honda "Asimo" robot becomes more superhuman-like... I have too much free time.

11-11-01:
Here's a link to read: What if today's media covered WWII? I found it amusing, especially because the humorist who wrote it bothered to do research on WWII before writing it. Let's hear it for motivation!... Recently I participated in the live studio audience of an upcoming Bravo! channel special, "Broadway's Best." The show was a benefit concert starring many well-known names, like Mandy Moore and Kevin Bacon, who performed their favorite songs from various musicals and rock operas. It was very strange watching a concert that was being put on as much for the camera as for the audience. Both Cyndi Lauper and Shawn Colvin had to do their numbers twice because of recording equipment problems, and it was weird to have them perform the exact same song again in exactly the same way. But it was also very cool to participate in the spectacle. Although they probably should have renamed the show "Broadway's Good." Some of the performances, like the lounge version of Porgy and Bess' "Summertime" were fantastic. Some, like Art Garfunkel's number, were somewhat painful. But I saw Mandy Moore, and that's ultimately what matters.

 
 
 
 

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