Phil took this position because nobody else wanted it.  And everyone else has superpowers so it was pretty easy to force him into it.  In addition to being powerless, Phil is angsty and desperate and has low self-esteem.  Lucky for Phil that he's got a nice package.  Just kidding.

Dude holds the most important job at None More Comic.  He's really good at figuring out what everyone needs to pay when they're pooling money, and serves as a good mediator in pizza-topping disputes.  They also save money on frozen pizzas because Dude can conjure his own onions.
 

Invisible Girl hasn't done a very good job in this position because of her attitude that "Peons that wouldn't understand the webzine don't deserve the honor of reading it."  Nevertheless, she keeps her job because she's doing Phil, and can also beat him up.  Actually, anyone can beat Phil up.

Dan doesn't know any HTML, but everyone loves him because of his ability to spontaneously generate pitchers of Pabst Blue Ribbon.  That, and his enormous breasts.  Dan wanted to add "bater" to the end of his title, but Invisible Girl felt that it was "really, really unnecessary."

Every business needs an evil H.R. Director, and this comic webzine was no exception.  Eddie felt that he was perfect for the job because of his power of Super-Apathy combined with his great interest in "taking care of the small people."  The rest of the staff has learned over time to let Eddie do what he wants.

The newest addition to the staff, Ani Mae Babe is every man's schoolgirl fantasy... sort of. Ani tries to be cheerful and have a positive attitude about life, which makes everyone extremely uncomfortable around her. When she's not out battling the Megaverse, Ani enjoys puppies, rainbows, and the hot lovemeat of her cousin Dan.

Death has been a regular contributor to the webzine in the past.  He works mainly from his home next to the river Styx, but sometimes comes down to the office to follow Phil around menacingly just to "freak him a little."

Tragically Hippo is a cutting-edge Post-modern artist that resides on the upper-East side of New York City.  When he is not creating fantastic blank canvasses, he writes edgy reviews and angsty stuff for the webzine.  He is also one sexy bitch.

This guy is being mentioned because he kind of scares them.  Even though he's never been paid or even thanked for his work, he keeps on sending them stuff.  Once he sent them a pony.  He must think that he can make up for lack of talent with sheer determination.  Bayard Russell is such a hoser.

Often confused with The Devil, Justin Bow is actually a minor diety and one of Satan's roomies.  He sends in reader submissions occassionally, and insists that he is the genetic father of Tragically Hippo and even Death itself.  But we know that it's not the genes that count, but what's in them.