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Superman's Symbol: Mark of the Devil?
by Phil

A lot of people assume that the "S" on Superman's chest stands for "Superman." Is this safe to assume? Did the letter "A" in The Scarlet Letter stand for her name? Of course not, it stood for Ass-munch. Let's consider the facts, shall we, and decide post-factum what has has already been decided: Superman's Symbol is the Mark of the Devil.

Fact 1: Superman has glowing red eyes that shoot laser beams. Glowing red eyes? Duh.

Fact 2: Superman's stunning array of super-abilities. Nobody, and I mean nobody, gets those types of abilities without selling their soul to The Dark Lord. Don't think that he got that superhuman strength from going to Bally's. In other words, Superman owes big-time to the greatest loan-shark of all time, and so it stands to reason that he'd at least be wearing Satan's corporate logo.

Fact 3: The double-identity thing. Why would someone standing for Truth be living a lie? Something's up with that. And why doesn't anybody recognize him as Superman when he wears those dinky glasses? That's not a disguise, that's a tragedy and nobody could be fooled for two seconds by that get-up. But the Power of Satan, the same power that allows The Devil to walk among men under the guise of Elizabeth Hurley, allows him to easily mask his true form to normal mortals.

Fact 4: He's protecting the American Way. That's right, Superman is working hard to preserve capitalism and the status quo and keep the establishment in power. Evil!

Fact 5: Superman is weakened by Kryptonite. Why would someone that powerful get so wussy around a chunk of green crystal. Well, scientist-like characters in None More Comic checked it out, and it turns out that the crystalline structures resemble a matrix of crosses. That's right, folks, Superman is weakened only by Jesus-crystal! Why? Two words: Sa Tan!

Fact 5: Satan also begins with "S." 'Nuff said.

To conclude, It seems clear that the Superman symbol is not in fact Superman's logo, but the Mark of the Devil. Think about that next time you see Shaquille O'Neal's shoulder tattoo. Thank you for listening.

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