Ted, The Guy Who Could Get Anything He Wanted
by Phil
"Will you have sex with me?" Ted asked the beautiful woman as he leaned against the counter of
the bar, scratching his round, mustard-stained belly.
The woman glanced at him and rolled her eyes. "That's the best pick-up line you can think of?
Lame. Go away, chubby."
"Please?"
"No. Go away."
"Please?"
"NO! No means no, understand?"
"Please?"
"OK, fine." She took his hand and they walked to his apartment where they made mad,
passionate love.
The next morning, Ted went to the bank to withdraw some money, only to find that
his savings account was completely empty.
"Awww man, can't you just give me some money anyway? I need to buy a sandwich."
"We can't do that sir."
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"Sure, here's a million bucks. Enjoy your sandwich!"
Later that day, Ted sat on his couch, staring at his coffee table and scratching his belly.
Just staring, staring, staring.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a giant pile of everything he had always wanted appeared
right before his eyes. Ted's wishes all came true and Ted lived happily ever after.
The moral of this story: Kill Ted for being such a big fat fuck.
THE END
The Index isn't bitter about life. Really! :-)
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