Random Individuality Tables
by Bayard Russell
Have you been stumped on those questionairres when they ask "What are
your hobbies" and you couldn't think of a thing to write? Have you
tried filling out a personals ad and couldn't come up with anything to
say other than your age, weight and height, and had to put that you enjoy
"sleeping and eating?" Is it tough to find things to do with your
friends because you don't have any activities whatsoever? Feeling
like God took a dump on your face when he failed to give you any appreciable
talents, drives, or interests?
Hell, I understand your frustration; individuality is a tough
thing to come by for some people. That's why I made this guide to
give you somewhere to start. All you need is a pad and paper and
one six-sided die. (Don't worry, rolling dice doesn't make you one
of those roleplaying people. Believe me, you're something altogether
different.) Don't have any dice? Sure you do, you can go grab
one from one of the board games you have in your closet. Wait, I
forgot that you don't play games of any sort. Well, go to the Wal-Mart
and buy one, and come right back. Don't worry, I'll wait.
OK, you're back. Now right off the bat, write down that you're
a web surfer. After all, you're reading this article so you have
at least one activity of "using the internet." Wait, you say that
your friend printed out this article and gave you a copy? Oh.
Well, in that case you can put down that you enjoy hanging out with friends.
I don't care if you secretly hate your friend, put that down! Alright,
now while "web surfer" or "person with friends" isn't quite as lame as
"sleeper," it's still not enough, so you're still going to need the tables.
Just go to the first table and roll one six-sided die, and then follow
the directions. In no time you will have a randomly picked activity,
interest or hobby to take up. Then you can tell people that in your
spare time you [insert interesting thing here], and people will say, "Hey!
This guy/girl stands out from the crowd in some small, but nonetheless
appreciable, way! I think I'll jump his/her bones!"
Not really, but wouldn't that be nice?
If you wish to add more than one interest, feel free to use the Random
Individuality Tables more than one time. But don't use too many (3
should be your max). Having one characteristic that makes you stand
out from the crowd gives you "personality," but standing out too much makes
you a "freak."
I'm ready to be more interesting! On to the tables!!!