I don't know why everybody bothers with using all those fancy methods of birth control.  I have to say that the Rhythm Method has always worked for me, so you can take your fancy-schmancy condoms and pills and shove them up your ass.

When I look at the statistics from the "scientists," it says things like, "The Pill is 95% effective, compared to below 60% for Rhythm Method."  Well, just look at my record and you'll see why the Rhythm Method is far more effective than any "magical pill that prevents pregnancy" could be.  I've had sex, like, 7 or 8 times, and I've never gotten pregnant.  Not even once!  That's 100% effectiveness!

Of course, it may be that my particular method is better than most people's.  "What's your secret, Dude?" I bet you must be asking yourself.  Well, I don't do things that differently from most people, really.  I just keep a steady rhythm (in, out, in, out) until I'm finished.  I used to play the drums in high school, so I have a really good sense of rhythm.  That's probably why.

In other words, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.  Your place or mine?  Or we could just do it right here on the subway.

Tell the index to get lost, creep