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Please Please Come To My Website
by Phil

Please come to my website. Please please please! You don't have to stay very long. You can just glance over the index and click on one of the links and then leave. It won't take you more than 5 seconds, tops. Can't you give me just 5 seconds? Just 5 fucking seconds?

So just click me, dammit! Click me! Click me! I promise it won't hurt. Cmon, you know me! OK, you don't know me. But if you did know me, you'd know how pathetically desperate I am. My self-esteem is dropping like a rock. I need the hits, and I need them bad. Gimme just one hit!

Yeah, I know that there are a million sites out there wanting 5 seconds of your time. But mine's not like those other sites. There's something special about my site. It's linked inseparably to the IV that keeps my ass alive. If I don't get enough hits, I die.

It's like the movie Speed, only the website is the bus and I'm Sandra Bullock. If my website goes under 30 hits a day, I die and so do the other passengers. Why the other passengers too? Because I'll be damned if I don't take some people down with me.

OK, I lied. My IV isn't linked to my website, it's linked to my Furby. But seriously, I'm a loser with low self-esteem and I need the hits to feel good about myself. So help me feel good about myself for a change. Click on me. Oh God please.

And while you're at it, can you click on that ad banner? Why? No reason.

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