None More Credit:
The Card That Gives You Payback
There are cards out there that give you frequent flyer bonuses, credit
towards a new car, free gas or groceries, or just straight up cashback
bonuses. So when we came out with our new credit card, None More
Credit, we found it necessary to bring it to the next level. Our
credit card is superior in every way and saves you more money than any
other credit card in existence. And it comes in two trendy colors.
Sign up and save!
choose from our stylish
"earthy honeycomb" color...
or our also-popular
"winterberry breeze" color
Here's the great deal you get: there's no introductory rate, no annual
fee, and no interest rate whatsoever. There's also no credit limit,
and the card is accepted all across the globe. We couldn't care less
about your previous credit history. And you get great deals on everything
through our Payback Program.
How does Payback work? Simple. When you go out and purchase
something you shouldn't have, we come to your house and brutally beat you.
Every impulse buy, every overpriced luxury, and every bad investment results
in another punch in the face, neck or groinal region. It's Pavlovian
economics at work.
Money you don't spend is money in your pocket. It's that simple.
Our agents teach you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the Payback Consequences
of bad spending. The first month in the Payback Program
will require some adjustments and necessary medical costs, but after
that you will find your bank account growing at a rate you would have never thought
But don't even think about touching those accounts. We'll hit
How does None More Credit turn a profit from this great deal?
Well, the same agents that track your every move to make sure you're "staying
with the program" keep careful records of your activities 24/7. Then
we sell that personal information to your friendly government agencies.
We also sell those personal databases to corporations to use in their marketing
strategies. Now, isn't it a conflict of interest to sell your information
to advertisers if we're just going to beat you senseless if you buy their
products? Not really. We like the exercise.
Hmm, we probably shouldn't have told you that last part. But it's
not like you're going to spread that around, right buddy? Cause we'll
How do you sign up? Don't worry about confusing online order forms
or calling troublesome toll-free 1-800 numbers. Joining our program is effortless.
Even as you read this we've used your IP address to look up your contact
information, and shortly we'll be sending two of our fine representatives
to your home with the paperwork. And you had better have decided
on which color scheme you want for your card by the time they get there.
Or we'll hit you.
None More Credit: The Card That Gives You Payback.
back to the index. Or we'll hit you