What did you say again, friend?  I didn't quite hear you right the first time.

Watch where I'm going?  Why, I was doing just that.  That's why I didn't see you coming down the street, carrying all those heavy packages.

A good question, sir.  I think that I am John.  Because that's what my name is.  John.  But on a deeper philosophical level, are any of us really who we think we are?

What planet am I from?  Earth, of course.  Specifically, Tulsa.

Wow, what a complement.  But I don't feel I can live up to that.  I do consider myself a guy, but as for wise, I don't know that you could say that.  I have a long way to go before I can consider myself to be one of the Three Kings of Jerusalem.  Are you religious, friend?

My my, again with the complements!  But I think you're a little confused this time.  It's true that I did exceptionally well on my SATs, but as you can plainly see I am human in form, and don't look anything like a donkey or horse.  You should go get your eyes checked, if I may say so.

I should what?  That's silly, why should I do that?  You don't honestly think that the stuff that comes out of someone's anus is fit for consumption.  And I have no idea why you would want me to die from that, I would think you'd rather me survive that little ordeal and learn from the experience.

Up my what?  Please clarify.

Now I'm blushing!  You want to have sex with me?  I admit that my ass is pretty cute, but I kind of assumed that you'd pick up on my raging heterosexuality.  I'm assuming that the "I" is implied in that last sentence.  What do you call that, is that a vocative statement?  I need to brush up on my grammar.

Oh, thanks for the clarification.  But I'm confused again.  Why would you want me to have sex with myself?  That's what the wifey is for.

Well, OK, if you say so friend.  But it's going to be tough getting disoriented in my own neighborhood, I know this street like the back of my hand.  I suppose I could drive to an area I'm unfamiliar with and walk around blindfolded for a while.  Perhaps you could suggest a place to go, sir.

Sir?  Where'd you go?  Hmm, I guess he must have just left without saying goodbye.  What a dick!
 
 
 

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