So, when I was in high school I used to hang out with this girl who we'll call Sarah so as to protect her identity. Sarah really was her name, but I thought if I used a fake name I wouldn't be able to remember what the fake name was for the length of a whole article. So even though the ûaliasÉ I've given Sarah is actually her real name, let's just pretend it's not. All set? Good.

 Anyway, as I was saying, I used to hang out with ûSarahÉ in high school and we were pretty good friends. Sarah and her family were kind of strange, but her mom was always ready to feed me, so I had no problem going to her house every once in a while. This isn't a story about Sarah though, this actually a story about Sarah's little brother. I actually don't remember his name at all, so I'm going to call him Timmy and it will be a real alias since I'm pretty sure no one is really named Timmy. Timmy was Sarah's younger brother but he was the middle child of the family. So Sarah and Timmy and the rest of the family had a lot of pets; a half a dozen cats, a handful of parakeets, some fish and a dog. Their dog, Muffins (Muffins is also an alias. Go me!), was really old and her hair was all kind of gray and she was stupid and would run into things and I think she was blind in at least one eye. But in spite all of her physical failings, Muffins was a cheerful happy dog who was prepared to eat just about anything you acted really excited about giving to her. I myself one day tricked her into eating a whole cucumber.

 Even though she didn't like the cucumber I gave her very much, Timmy had been experimenting with what Muffins would and would not eat and discovered that she liked bananas. So he took to feeding her those whenever they had any. Pretty soon, Timmy thought it would be funny to hold the bananas down by his crotch for the dog to eat. I think the rest of the family got kind of disturbed by this, which of course only made Timmy happier with the whole situation. Well, pretty soon he was feeding Muffins bananas like that all the time.

 One day, Sarah and I and some of our friends walked in the door to find Timmy holding a banana he had carved into the shape of a dick for Muffins in the kitchen. She was kind of licking it and he was standing there saying ûYou like that girl? Huh? Go on, lick it some more!É

 Suddenly, Muffins jumped up off the floor and bit the banana in half. Timmy screamed a little. We just stared at him. That night Sarah told her parents about what happened and that's how Timmy first got into counseling.

True story.
 
 
 
 

You like the index, don't you bitch..  Go on, lick it some more!