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None More Banner: The Most Effective Ad Banner System, Ever.
by Phil

A growing concern of the Internet community is the decreasing effectiveness of ad banners. For those websites who provide free content and depend on revenues from advertisements, this trend is a serious problem. This is equally problematic for companies like yours that want to sell their products. People are increasingly demonstrating "banner blindness," which may be accompanied by fatigue, drowsiness, and mild discomfort. Well, this sickness has to stop! None More Comic has developed the None More Banner program to defend the status quo and keep the current Internet model operating like a well-oiled machine.

How does the N.M.B. program work? Well, traditional ads consist of banners that are displayed on the screen when the user opens up a page: the user may or may not click on it, depending on whether it's interesting to him. The N.M.B. program, on the other hand, forces the user to click on the ad banner by means of a Demon from Hell that comes out of the screen, possessing the user's body and dominating the user's will to serve its bidding. It's that simple.

The results are striking. 99% of tested Internet users clicked on the ad banners, giving a click-thru ratio of 1:1. (1% of those users were ripped apart by the Demon-claws and devoured alive, so they were not able to click on the banner.) Compare that to traditional ad banners, which often get less than .5% clicks-to-hits ratio. Wow! That's quite a difference.

Our ad banner design is simple and effective. Rather than banking on such unreliable factors such as design and content, we rely on fear. People click on our banners because they know what to expect if they don't.

How did we get in on such a sweet deal? Well, while the Devil is one powerful dude, he's no whiz when it comes to computers: our partnership combines The Dark One's evil power with our HTML expertise. When the banner is exposed and the Demon possesses the user's body it compels the user to commit a deadly sin (Demon's choice), condemning it to eternal damnation. Devil gets the souls, you get the ad-clicks! Everyone wins. Well, except the user, of course, but if you were looking out for his well-being you wouldn't be selling what you're selling.

So start using the None More Banner program to promote your company or shady underground drug circle. Let's do some goddamn business.


Use us or be ripped apart by steely Demon-claws.


 Aren't banner ads evil enough, though?