I like family road trips. You get to see all types of new things and see new places and meet new people. But you know what would be even better? Getting to take family road trips without that doberman in the car.

Our doberman, Throat-ripper, is a really cute dog, but he's not very friendly. He won't let anybody touch him except daddy. Maybe it's because Throaty likes daddy. Or maybe it's because of the small mice daddy gives him when he's good. I don't know. I tried to pet Throaty once and he bit a piece out of my cheek. Mommy told me that Throaty was trying to be friendly and just got carried away. But that's cause daddy told her to say that.

It's fun having our family dog along in the car sometimes. Throaty likes to stick his head out the window and bark at the other cars, and it's cute. I just wish Throaty would let me stick my head out the window. Maybe he thinks I'm going to run away, because he starts growling and baring his teeth at me until I pull my head back inside. Throaty should know that I would never jump out of the car. I can't because our seat belts don't unfasten.

I wonder why Throaty is so grumpy all the time. Daddy says it's because he was trained to catch bad guys and eat them. Wow, that's so cool! I just hope Throaty never thinks that I'm a bad guy and eats me. Hee hee!

Sometimes I wonder why we're never allowed to leave the car on road trips. I start feeling sticky sometimes and I want to stop somewhere and daddy just tells me to use the Gatorade bottle under the seat. On vacation we usually drive to this rich hispanic person's home, and then daddy and throaty get out of the car and talk to these big men, but I have to stay inside the car with mommy and my slut sister. Then we have to stay there until daddy gets back. One day I asked daddy what we were doing there, and he said we were insurance. When I asked what insurance was, he told me not to ask any more questions or Throaty would eat me. So I was real quiet after that, just as quiet as a little mouse.

But I'm still happy going on family road trips, even with all the weird things that happen to me. It's better than being at home.

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