Crack Rock: The Movie: The Promo
by Bayard Russell
Every time I read the promo quotes on movie posters, it sounds like
everybody's using drug metaphors. My theory is that A) the moviemakers
think that their target audience are junkies so they'll understand what
they're getting at, or B) movies are actually a kind of drug and
they're just describing its potency. Or both. That's why I'm
promoting my movie, Crack Rock, coming to a theater near you.
And by movie, I mean drug. And by theater, I mean street corner.
See what everyone's been raving about! It's
Hear what all the critics are saying...
"It's the smash hit of the season!" -NY
"It's a thrill-a-minute!" - Gene Siskel
"It's an up-and-down roller coaster ride!" -
"This one's a heart-stopper!" - WZRD-FM
"Crack Rock rocks!" - Cuba Gooding Jr.
"It'll leave you begging for more!" -
Samuel Morrissey, some newspaper nobody's ever heard of
"Adrenaline pumping... heart pounding..." -anonymous
"You'll be blown away!" (wait, that might
be a sex reference, not a drug reference.)
"Two thumbs up!" (dammit, another sex
reference. OK, I give up.)
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