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Crack Rock:  The Movie:  The Promo
by Bayard Russell

Every time I read the promo quotes on movie posters, it sounds like everybody's using drug metaphors.  My theory is that A) the moviemakers think that their target audience are junkies so they'll understand what they're getting at, or B)  movies are actually a kind of drug and they're just describing its potency.  Or both.  That's why I'm promoting my movie, Crack Rock, coming to a theater near you.  And by movie, I mean drug.  And by theater, I mean street corner.

See what everyone's been raving about!  It's

Crack Rock!
(the musical)

Hear what all the critics are saying...

"It's the smash hit of the season!"  -NY Times

"It's a thrill-a-minute!"  - Gene Siskel (deceased)

"It's an up-and-down roller coaster ride!"  -  USA Today

"This one's a heart-stopper!"  - WZRD-FM

"Crack Rock rocks!"  - Cuba Gooding Jr.

"It'll leave you begging for more!"  -  Samuel Morrissey, some newspaper nobody's ever heard of

"Adrenaline pumping... heart pounding..."  -anonymous

"You'll be blown away!"  (wait, that might be a sex reference, not a drug reference.)

"Two thumbs up!"  (dammit, another sex reference.  OK, I give up.)

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