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F.A.Q. for Basic Computer Home Repair
by Dude

A lot of people ask me for advice on their hardware problems. I usually tell them to get themselves a prescription for Viagra. But occassionally people also ask me about how to repair their home computer. Since I'm too lazy to answer these questions individually, I've compiled all of them into a Frequently Asked Questions (F.A.Q.) page. So here you go.

Question: When I boot up my computer it freezes right when the extensions start loading. What am I doing wrong?

My guess is that you're having a problem with your hard drive. I've got a couple ideas. Take the hard drive and blow on it really hard, then put it back in. That usually works with my Nintendo. If that doesn't work, take it back out and shake it a little.

Question: When I run certain programs, an error comes up and it says that my Gateway has insufficient memory. But my system should be able to run this program without problems. Any ideas?

This one's easy. You've probably used up all the slots on your memory card. This means you'll be able to run your program but you won't be able to save anything. If you don't have cash to spend on the extra memory and you're not willing to delete a few slots off your current card, just press pause and leave the system on. It'll waste electricity, but that's better than having to start from the beginning every fucking time.

By the way, I didn't know Gateway had a system. Are there any good games out for it?

Question: I recently installed a scanner for my computer, and I'm not sure what the IRQ setting needs to be. What number do I need to use?

The mistake you're making is that you don't need a number, you need a code. You can check the Internet for the codes you need, but if you're ambitious you can guess a lot of 'em. If it's a shoot-em-up, try KILLEMALL or GODMODE or something like that.

Question: Are we even talking about the same things? When I say computer I mean a computer, not a video game system.

Actually, video game systems are computers. If you know one computer, you know them all. When it comes down to it, it's all just ones and zeroes. And yes, I did say "know" in the biblical sense. Hehe.

Question: No, really. When I say computers, I mean the powerful ones with a keyboard and mouse.

The new PS2 has a keyboard and mouse? Kewl. ;-)


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