Interview With The
Bravest Man Alive
by B. Russell
Interviewer: They tell me you're the bravest man alive.
Bravest Man: Yes.
I: And that's why you recently changed your name to "Bravest Man"?
BM: That's right.
I: What was your name before the change? Was it something very un-brave, like
Walter Furley or Todd Howard, for example?
BM: Actually, it was Rex Steele.
I: That sounds remarkably brave already. Why did you bother to change it?
I: You are a man of few words.
BM: (long silence)
I: Um, okay. Moving on. When did you first realize that you were the bravest man alive?
I: Can you be more specific?
I: Why are you being so difficult?
BM: Don't make me come over there.
I: Moving on... what sort of brave things do you do?
BM: I would scale the highest mountains, risking certain death.
I would battle alligators without any tools or assistance on live television.
I would run naked through the streets of Harlem at night shouting racist obscenities.
I: That's... very specific of you.
BM: Thank you.
I: I didn't really mean that as a complement.
I: Would you be willing to demonstrate any of these acts of bravery for me?
I: Well, then, how do I know that you are as brave as you say you are?
BM: I'm brave enough not to cave in to peer pressure.
I: Good point.
BM: Why do you keep looking at me?
I: I'm interviewing you. Generally interviewers look at who they're interviewing. And this
room is very drab. There's not much else to look at.
BM: Do you want me to whip it out?
I: Excuse me?
BM: I'll do it, you know. I'm not afraid to whip it out at a moment's notice.
BM: I could beat you with it. I could just whip it out and smack you in the face with it.
I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you bitch.
I: You're making me uncomfortable.
BM: I'm leaving.
I: Weren't you leaving?
BM: Oh. Right. (leaves)
this was a real interview, honest?