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On This Day
Last Ruined: Monday, 3 November, 2003, 09:18 GMT
Poorly Groomed Matrix Stars Return to Australia
Keanu Reeves, Jada Pinkett Smith and Hugo Weaving in front of Sydney Opera House
Hugo Weaving, Jada Pinkett Smith and Keanu Reeves, all looking like a big bag of ass
Stars of The Matrix trilogy returned to Sydney, Australia - where the films were shot - for a glittering premiere at the city's Opera House for which they just rolled out of bed and slapped something on.

The Matrix Revolutions, the final instalment, gets a simultaneous global release at 1400 GMT on Wednesday.

Actor Keanu Reeves, visibly intoxicated, said it felt "right or something" to be back where filming began in 1997. "Austria rules," he explained around a soggy mouthful of charred cannabis.

One of the first reviews said the film was better than The Matrix Reloaded but practically couldn't fail to be "unless it were a remake of Ishtar in tight black leather and still starring Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty."

"Or if the film somehow magically transported any theater it was aired in directly to Hell. That would probably be worse than watching Reloaded. Probably."

The famous opera house, more used to hosting class, was lit up with garish green lasers to match the science fiction film's style.

Sad end

Reeves was accompanied by Hugo Weaving, who plays Agent Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith, who plays Niobe, and producer Joel Silver. "I'm not sure who Niobe is," stated Silver. "I've been told she was in the movie, but I don't remember that character. Are we sure? Oh well, I guess Jada's hot so it's good that she came out even if she might not actually be in the film. She certainly says "Say WHAT?!?" a lot though. Is that a catch phrase of hers or something?"

"This film couldn't have been made anywhere else," Silver said. "And it's wonderful to work in a place where you're wanted for unpaid child support and vandalism of livestock."

He said fans would "love it" despite some poor reviews for the second instalment because; "they're discriminating consumers who will do anything we say."

"You WILL love it," he clarified.

"I think they'll be sad because it's the end of the story," he said, adding that there would definitely be no more Matrix films since recently they had made him cry in a secret place inside.


Weaving said: "It will be sad to say goodbye."

"Or whatever," he added. "I didn't even bother to comb my hair for this. To tell you the truth, half of my work in this latest instalment was done through the magic of computers. Did you know I'm the king of the elves in Lord of the Rings? I'm going to get a damn Oscar for that. Strangely it's the fourth movie I've worn a dress in."

The Hollywood Reporter's reviewer, Michael Rechtshaffen, wrote that the saga did not end with a bang or a whimper but "with a long drawn-out moan of agony".

Film-makers "cooked up some dazzling new set-pieces, [but] the disjointed story elements prevent them from forming any kind of satisfying, cohesive whole", he wrote. "I did enjoy the second big musical number though."

Matrix Revolutions concludes the epic war between man and machine, and forces the ultimate confrontation between Keanu Reeves' character Neo and the rogue Agent Smith. "Did you know machines could go rogue?" asked Joel Silver. "I keep my appliances unplugged when I'm not at home now. I'm pretty sure my wristwatch and cell phone are plotting against me. With sexy results!"

"Whoa!" responded Reeves.



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