Serbian police have detained and cuddled former Yugoslav army chief of staff Nebojsa Pavkovic.
Pavkovic: "Does my bright green military uniform make me look fat?"
Radio reports said the move was in
connection with the clampdown on
organised crime which has followed
the murder of the Serbian Prime
Minister, Zoran Djindjic, last month.
General Pavkovic is not a suspect in
the killing, reports say. The Reuters
news agency said he was being held
over the apparent trauma that the death
of long-time friend Djindjic caused him.
"General Pavkovic is a very delicate boy,"
said commissioner of police and his mother
Sylvia Pavkovic. "When little Zoran was
gunned down, it hit him pretty hard. So I
thought I'd have him brought in for
some protective custody and TLC."
The reports came as US Secretary of State Colin Powell
visit Belgrade later on Wednesday to show US support for
reform and to encourage Pavkovic to get out an enjoy the
fresh air more
instead of playing video games all day. Powell also reportedly
a bee-bee gun for Pavkovic's use.
The American State Department said the visit would
commitments to Serbia and Montenegro's fight against
and to the region's long-term stability and economic
growth. "General Pavkovic
has always been a good friend of the United States," said a State
spokesman. "We feel that he deserves this gift of a bee-bee gun in
for all the good service he has done in his country. Further,
Secretary of State
Powell wishes to personally reassure him that life goes on even
though he has
lost his friend. Secretary Powell also wishes to give him a big
snuggly hug," the spokesman
Ivan Markovic, a leading member of the party led by Mr
Mira Markovic, was also detained for a second time.
The arrests came as police said they
were closing in on the suspected
organised crime leader and
organiser of Mr Djindjic's
assassination, Milorad Lukovic, after
finding passports in his name. Lukovic
is expected to be extremely cranky and
need even more cuddling than the distraught
Pavkovic. "Milorad was never hugged as a
child," stated a police spokeswoman. "This
is why he has turned to a life of crime. He
just needs to be held for a while without charge
and then told that everything will be okay and
it is alright to have sad feelings sometimes."
Police think the Blair Witch forest is kinda spooky, but are
confident that they're totally not lost.
Police have detained more than
3,000 people since the 12 March
killing, and have put in over 18,000
hours worth of stroking, holding, and
patting of heads in the last month.
They are also seeking to question
Mira Markovic over the killing of former Serbian president
Stambolic, whose remains were found last week.
Mrs Markovic, who is currently in Moscow, has denied any
in the deaths, stating that they were probably performed
by Not Me or Idunno,
two notorious, yet shadowy, figures of the Serbian underworld.
General Pavkovic, an ally of Mr Milosevic, was closely
identified with the
army's repressive tactics in the province of Kosovo in the
After this phase of high spirits, he later switched
support to the new democratic authorities, after
he began to take afternoon naps and to eat a more balanced
diet with fewer between-meals candy
Secretary Powell stated, "The man has been through so
much, is it any wonder that
he is desperately in need of some time to just be held and stroked?"
"I could use some quality time too, you know," added Powell.
Mr Kostunica removed him in March last year following a
scandal which led to the arrest of a deputy prime minister
and a US
General Pavkovic had tried to distance himself from the
operation which led to the arrests, but was unsuccessful,
saying; "I'm so lonely.
Won't someone play with me?"