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Why The Future Isn't Here
by Bayard Russell


It's 2004, people. The 21st century has not only begun, it's been going on for an entire Presidential term. So where's The Future? Where's our flying cars, and robot manservants, and our George Jetson food-pills, and that hover-skateboard that Marty McFly used in Back to the Future Part 2? For centuries, science fiction writers and have been predicting The Future, and yet The Future hasn't come. What's up with that, yo? Why aren't we jacking our brains directly into cyberspace, and hanging out with Klingons, and breaking down the barriers of space and time as we soar through the universe in our shiny new pure-energy bodies? The People have spoken, and it's unanimous: We want The Future, Now. We don't have It, and We should have had It a long time ago...who's responsible for this utter and complete bullshit?

The answer is simple. The Republicans did it.

Cause The Democrats were like, "We should have flying cars!" And then The Republicans were like, "Grrrrr!!!"

And then The Democrats were like, "But, what about our robot manservants?" And The Republicans were like, "GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!"

And The Democrats were like, "Um, can we at least have Marty McFly's skateboard?" And The Republicans were like,


And THAT's why the future isn't here yet.

If The Republicans would just go to bed at a reasonable hour, they wouldn't be so damned cranky about everything. And if they weren't so cranky they wouldn't be going "Grrrr!" every time The Democats want more of The Future to arrive. And that's A Fact.

So just put down the controller and go to sleep already, The Republicans! Tony Hawk Pro Skater's going to be there in the morning, you know. And if you just stop nay-saying everything and do what The People want for a change, you'll soon discover you'll still get to play Tony Hawk Pro Skater...only it'll be in THE FUTURE!!!

That is all.

See Also:

Life is Tough Living in the Year 3052



the future, grrr!