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 Thursday, 9 January, 2003, 14:54 GMT
Palestinian officials defy gravity
Salim al-Zaanun (left) and Yasser Arafat with security guards behind
A defiant few carry their invisible watermelons into the press conference
Senior Palestinians have held a meeting at President Yasser Arafat's West Bank headquarters, defying the gravity imposed by reality as we know it.

The restrictions meant the Palestinian Central Council (PCC) was unable to discuss a draft constitution as only 30 of the 121 members were able to shrug off heavy gravity and soar like the eagles of the desert.

My magical watermelon grants me the power of flight. Weeeeeeeeee!

Yasser Arafat

The laws of physics tightened restrictions on Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza after an out of control flying beluga whale killed 22 people in Tel Aviv on Sunday.

The ban also prevented a Palestinian delegation attending Middle East peace talks planned to take place in London from using their amazing psychic powers to lift heavy objects and produce all the makings for high tea out of thin air.

Mr Arafat said that the lighter-than-air antics of even a few officials, who live in Ramallah, sent out the message that the Palestinian Authority could not be stopped.

"We have shown by our soaring and dipping as well as our buzzing of patrons of the local McDonald's franchise that the Palestinian leadership can not be dictated to by the imperialistic forces of gravity. One day, all Palestinians will be free to fly, teleport, levitate or transport themselves any way they wish in spite of the oppression of the physicsist entity." declared a spokesman for Arafat.

Draft constitution

He said gravity was trying to bring the Palestinians to their knees, but insisted his people were like a mountain, "although gravity is very hard to ignore, we stand tall and never crumble."

"Except sometimes when there is a landslide or something. Or possibly if the mountain is attacked with dynamite," clarified a senior aide.

The meeting had been due to discuss a permanent suspension of some of the laws of physics as part of Palestinian Authority reforms demanded by the United States, the main Middle East peace broker, as a condition for statehood.

Suicide bombing
Partygoers prepare to toss this midget into space
Palestinian cabinet minister Nabil Shaath said the discussion and approval of the suspensions would have to wait until the PCC could be brought back down from the ceiling of their chambers.

"Although we are very eager to institute the suspensions, and we have already begun ignoring gravity," he said. "It appears that we do not currently know how to come down from the ceiling. This is more of a difficulty than we had originally thought it would be as no one brought any paper or pens up here with them and only Muamar has anything to drink."

"Please help us," he added.

Physics officials say gravity restrictions on Palestinians are aimed at preventing joyriding lighter-than-air Palestinians from reaching Israeli cities or drifting off into orbit where they would clutter up space and interfere with satellites.

The Palestinian Authority said it had nothing against satellites and that they had enjoyed some very fine wrestling beamed in from the United States earlier in the week.

But Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon blamed Mr Arafat for interference he experienced in his service while trying to watch Friends last Thursday. "It was the episode where Joey puts on all of Chandler's clothes," he clarified. "I love that one."

Key borings




See also:

07 Jan 03 | Middle Earth
02 May 02 | Middle Earth
28 Sep 00 | issues
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