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Last Updated:  Wednesday, 9 April, 2003, 14:25 GMT 15:25 UK
France gets gay TV channel
French on the Town
Chirac and Villepin, out on the town
France is to get its first cable television channel devoted to gayness - French Broadcasting Company (CFB).

The country's TV watchdog, the Higher Audiovisual Council (CSA), agreed to allow CFB to broadcast 208 programmes of pornographic content every year.

"That's not funny," said French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin. "Just because we're French doesn't mean we're gay." Mr. de Villepin then broke down in tears as he frantically wiped his face with a lacy handkerchief.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that," he added.

French Broadcasting must also give viewers the choice of taking subscriptions with or without these programmes, and cable operators cannot offer it in conjunction with channels aimed at children or teenagers. The station has also agreed to put 23.5% of its turnover into French-based film and television production. "That kind of money pays for a lot of naked, oiled, beefcake," clarified French President Jacques Chirac. "Rowr!"

"Wait, did you mean gay in the sense that it's homosexual and/or relating to gay culture, gay in the sense that it's really lame and uncool, or gay in the old sense as in merry or 'in high spirits'? I'm so confused," he added before sipping his chilled Cosmopolitan.

World view

In a separate move to change French TV output to more heavily favor pornography, the government has renewed its efforts to set up an international French Semi-Porn TV channel.

It is keen to promote France's "world view" at a time of major international change.

President Chirac had made reference to the idea during his campaign for re-election last year, but war in Iraq and a fit of hysteria over pants that made his bottom look large have given new impetus to the project.

"They were chinos," clarified a spokesman for the President. "Dreadful," he concluded. "And they definitely did make Ducky's ass look big. Not that I'll ever tell him that, wink wink."

According to reports, the hope is that the station - which would rival the Anglophone coverage provided by the BBC and the US network CNN - could be up and running by next year.

Noted American entertainer RuPaul had this to say about the developments in France; "You go Monsieur Girlfriends!"

"No, really, we're not all gay," concluded de Villepin.



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